More than listening

Last semester in my continuing pursuit of understanding God as my Father I decided to seek forgiveness and reconciliation with my father. My father has been absent from mine and my mom’s life since he got pregnant in 1982. He still lives in Tallahassee, actually less than 3 miles from my house. It is crazy to think that we have more than likely sat in the same traffic, shopped at the same wal-mart and eaten at the same restaurants. My story at this point has a sad and happy ending. Sad because my father has yet to respond to multiple copies of my letter being sent. There is not a day that goes by where I am do not get a little anxious when I open the mail box. The good news is I have come to a place of total forgiveness. Sure I miss my father but the reality as the psalms say is God is a Father to the Fatherless. I now dont just call God “Father.” rather I KNOW Him as “Father.” That place of freedom from holding grudges against my father and having a deeper relationship with the ultimate Father is like no other.  If you are interested, here is the letter:

Before you begin this letter my first request/recommendation is that you read the entire letter. To not stop half way and throw it away but continue to read to the very last line.

Dear Kenny,

My name is Michael and in the past year I have had the opportunity to become the father of a little boy named Michael Paul.  This experience of being a father for almost a year has been challenging to say the least but bigger than any challenge has been the joy that raising a little boy can be.

This experience of raising a little boy has drawn me to think more and more about my own father.  Growing up I never had a father but for the first time ever I am at a point of desiring more than ever to know my father. The only thing I know about my father is based on what my mother has told me. According to my mother who became pregnant just before entering high school that you are my father.

In case you haven’t put two and two together yet my name is Michael Mears and my mother is Kelly Mears. (PLEASE KEEP READING) This is a conversation that I would like to keep between me and you at this time. I have heard stories of you, been told how much I look like you even how I walk like you but never once have I seen you outside a picture from the eighties with you holding a string bream. I am not sure if you have ever wandered what happened to me, maybe the thought has not crossed your mind.

The desire to know you has continued to grow and grow to a point now where I have to make some sort of effort to connect with you. This does not mean I am expecting to meet up instantly. A letter of acknowledgement or catching up would more than you know to me.  Beyond just trying to overcome some of the mystery behind who you are, I also want you to know that I past being mad at you.  There have definitely been moments of frustration and hurt but I have truly moved to a place of forgiveness and love. Maybe  this will be the beginning of a relationship between me and you or maybe it will be closure to a large unclear mystery in my past. I do not want to continue to live my life with this chunk of my life unknown. I want to be able to say that I did everything I could to find my father and seek to reconcile a relationship with him.

What I would appreciate would be a simple letter back of what you think and where you are now.  I  have no clue whether you do even still live in Tallahassee. Do you have a family? What do you do for a living?  To seem fair I want you to know that I am now 26 years old and have been married to my wife Katie whom I met in college. I also graduated from Florida State in 2005 and now work with a campus outreach.

Whatever questions you have please do not be afraid to ask. Any conversation would be much appreciated whether a letter, a phone call, or meeting up. Thank you so much for actually reading this far through what may be a very difficult letter. Most importantly please know that I only write this letter as an effort clear things up not to chew you out or expect something of you. I am not asking for gifts, money, apologies rather an opportunity to begin a relationship with the father I have never known.

Sincerely

Michael