This entire adoption adventure has really been about obedience. It has been far from logic or reasoning and a total “God thing.” From when it first came into our hearts individually then talking about it together to going to the classes filling out novels of paperwork, agreeing to foster first and now actually fostering 3 children under the age of 4 have all been steps of faith. There was something in me that believed that our faithful obedience would end with reward. Not just with any reward but some reward of easiness. That this would all just come naturally and smoothly. I actually have caught myself the past 2 weeks questioning God on why this is so hard and not just questioning at times but actually complaining at the challenge this life change has brought. As I was praying the shower this past week God reminded me very clearly that this step of obedience did not come with a promise. That our step of obedience was not for our reward rather for His glory. If anything as I get over myself more and more, daily I look back and see how past steps of faith and obedience actually have put me in a place of greater dependence and the lasting reward is not ease rather a deepening relationship with my heavenly father. The “reward” is far from ease and it is so much greater. There is no greater result I would ever want in this life of mine than a deeper relationship with my heavenly Father.
